So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
