I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Damn victory sex feels great
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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