I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
