Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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