he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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