He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I was not drunk enough for that final.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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