areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
