ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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