i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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