Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
