I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
