One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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