Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
