Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
