I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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