if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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