highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
