How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
