im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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