Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
