I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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