we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
