i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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