We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
