is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
