my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
His nipple licking is glorious
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