You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
