Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
