Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
