Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
