do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
