Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
