We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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