oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
