I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
she pinky promised me she was 18
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
