You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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