at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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