I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
