garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I AM VODKA MAN
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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