we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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