the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
How naked do you want me to be?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
