I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
