margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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