i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
