I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
