I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
In America we eat man semen.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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