I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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