Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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