Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
