Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
