Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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