So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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