i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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