remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
