My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
