i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just gift wrapped bread.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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